A video version of this blog post is available here https://youtu.be/sG8zWRa15Lc?si=BIRmzS5ylXaDJpOJ
In the media we consume, a male character crying is only allowed to do so within a specific ruleset. The tenets of a masculine cry are
1. The cry must not be vocal, tears and face contortions are okay, but any audible vocalization should be kept to a minimum
2. The crying is done is isolation
3. There must be a call to action. The man gets revenge, rescues the victim, rebuilds his life etc…
4. The cry response must be justified via an unimaginable tragedy
Men are supposed to remain strong and hold their form through adversity. This is a good skill for anyone to have, but this has also turned into a misunderstanding of emotions. The rules of the masculine cry gives us the best of both worlds. We get the man crying, conforming to society’s push for men needing to be more vulnerable and we also get it in a masculinized way which makes us feel comfortable. While we want men to be more vulnerable, we don’t want that vulnerability to make us uncomfortable. That is the silent part nobody wants to admit. “Show your emotions in a way that doesn’t disturb my image of how a strong man should act”.
The best of both worlds here is an illusion, what is a cry if not a vulnerable showcase of emotions?
The reason why Robert’s crying scene in AdHoc Studio’s Dispatch stood out was because it broke these rules. Spoilers for Dispatch follow.
Robert, the player character, has a childhood friend in Chase. Chase has super speed, but ages quicker when using his powers. By the time the game starts, Chase is already an elderly man, and does not use his powers as who knows how much older he can get without the risk of death.
In Episode 6, Chase has to use his powers again to save Invisigal. Chase then to be hospitalized as this last out of using his powers, proves too much for him.
In one of the following scenes, Robert is beside a comatosed Chase. Blonde Blazer/Mandy is with him providing him comfort and a shoulder so to speak. Robert immediately starts crying as she leaves, and the only ones in the room are him and Chase.
The first rule it breaks is the vocalization. Robert doesn’t start whaling but its more than just sniffles and sharp inhales. It’s a quieter sort of vocalization im not sure how to describe. Even as a man who is very comfortable with his own emotions and crying, this made me slightly uncomfortable. Not because men shouldn’t be able to cry like this, but because I’m not accustomed to seeing men cry like that. Here true vulnerability is actually established. This is not an issue of Robert’s action, it’s an issue of what the media has shown me. I also realized, the discomfort I feel, is not a problem with Robert, it’s a problem in me. This is a point that is easy to overlook. If a man crying in this way makes you uncomfortable, it’s on you to understand why. Especially if you’re someone who advocates for more male vulnerability. It’s not only about men being more vulnerable, it’s about you being able to handle that.
One rule it doesn’t break is the isolation. Robert is alone here, Chase isn’t really there as he’s not conscious. It’s important to note, it doesn’t matter whether the player as Robert romances Blonde Blazer or not, Robert will wait for her to leave either way before he starts crying. Robert does not feel comfortable crying in front of a woman, whether its his friend or romantic interest. Now to be fair, Robert and Blonde Blazer really haven’t known each other for long. I would not cry in front of anyone, man or woman, unless I had a good friendship established with them, and they showed me they are mature enough to make space for my emotions like that. Maybe Robert feels the same way here which is completely valid. Regardless, I find the image of this scene powerful as a sort of commentary of how men have been socialized to handle these sorts of emotions.
Perhaps the most powerful rule break is that there is no call to action. Chase got himself into this position by his own accord and arguably Invisigals. Robert has no villain to take revenge on. There’s nothing for him to actually do. The next thing the game forces you to do is to choose whether to keep invisible on the team and to forgive her or not. Its much more of an emotional action than it is a physical action. The player is forced to feel the weight of what has happened. This is how real life is sometimes too.
A man can cry after a hard day, and the only thing left to do sometimes is go to bed and face tomorrow as best he can. I also think it’s interesting how people can’t seem to come to an in between for the issue of men’s emotions. Whenever somebody advocates for men being more vulnerable in general, there’s always a reaction of “So men should cry over every little thing?”.
This is a strawman argument. Maybe some people do want that, however I doubt that’s the majority. There is a middle ground in between not crying ever and crying over every little thing. A better call to action here is to understand that every individual man should be able to establish their own boundaries. Like I said, I am very comfortable with my emotions and my crying, however there are situations where I will absolutely not do it. If you were to tell me that this is an issue I need to work on, you’d be wrong. You do not get to decide anyone else’s emotional boundaries. On the other end, when men are told to never cry, this is also an emotional boundary that’s being established for them by parents/society/partners. I’ve heard some men say that they won’t cry even when in isolation. Even when no one is around to judge them for it, they are not comfortable. Not crying is so hard coded into their mind.
I’m glad i played a game in 2025 that had its lead male showing more vulnerability than i expected, and im glad it wasn’t done in a hyper masculinized hollywood way. The truth is this is the reality for the majority of people. We cannot hide parts of our society and expect health. Dispatch has resonated with a lot of people and I think its emotional writing is really nice and refreshing. Dispatch redefines the masculine cry by not adhering to it.